Divorced & Determined AF

We naturally have a tendency to react emotionally during communications with a soon-to-be ex-partner, but directing those emotions at them can greatly compromise your divorce process. Even if you're not labeled as "high conflict" within your proceedings, you can still encounter challenges if you aren't equipped with some best practices for communicating with your ex.
 
I've asked Christina Butler, a certified High Conflict Divorce Coach, to join me today to help us understand what those risks are and how we can do our best to avoid them. With a masters in counseling and having experienced divorce herself, she understands the natural emotional reactions we have but has also witnessed how it can negatively impact your settlement and future and will share some of that with us today.
 
She'll give us the practical advice you need to help you avoid your communication being used against you in court, offer strategies on how to not let your emotions hijack you, and guidance on the best communications modes when it comes to your divorce. We want to help you get through the short term pain so you can reap the long term benefits.
 
For more information on the P.E.A.C.E. of Mind Initiative and to access the free resource center, please visit https://peaceofminddivorce.info 
 
Follow us on Instagram @divorcedanddeterminedaf for more ways to help you prepare for what's to come in the divorce journey.⁠
 
Jamie Milam is a divorcée, Realtor®, Certified Divorce Specialist®, and aligned strategy enthusiast. 
CONNECT WITH JAMIE:
https://JamieMilam.com 
Instagram | LinkedIn
 
CONNECT WITH CHRISTINA:
https://www.hopekinleycoaching.com/
 
---
Episode moments:
 
07:27 Understanding Emotional Hijacking in Divorce Conversations
14:08 The Importance of Grieving in the Divorce Process
17:54 The Consequences of Letting Emotions Hijack Communication
22:49 Mindset Shifts for Parents in Divorce
30:28 Best Modes for Divorce Communication
 
 
 
DISCLAIMER: The commentary on this podcast is not intended to serve as or replace professional legal, financial or medical advice. While the insights may have wide applicability, listeners should consult with an attorney, CPA, financial advisor, therapist or physician in your state to obtain advice with respect to your particular issue and/or case.

Are you feeling a little out of place in your social circles now that you're going through a divorce? Do you feel like you get invited to less things by your couple friends. Is your new co-parenting schedule making it a little difficult to get on the same page as your friends? Maybe you're like me, and you find yourself not relating to your neighborhood the way you once did. Life in suburbia certainly can feel different once your family dynamics shift after a divorce.
 
It can be a struggle to find your footing again in social settings after you separate and you may naturally retract from some of the social landscapes you were once a part of. Today's episode is meant to help set you up with potential expectations so you'll 1) feel less isolated if it occurs and 2) know how to cope with it so you can navigate the changing social landscapes more peacefully and rebuild a newly aligned social life.
 
For more information on the P.E.A.C.E. of Mind Initiative and to access the free resource center, please visit https://peaceofminddivorce.info 
 
Follow us on Instagram @divorcedanddeterminedaf for more ways to help you prepare for what's to come in the divorce journey.⁠
 
Jamie Milam is a divorcée, Realtor®, Certified Divorce Specialist®, and aligned strategy enthusiast. 
CONNECT WITH JAMIE:
https://JamieMilam.com 
Instagram | LinkedIn
 
---
Episode Moments:
03:28 Pressures as a Working Mom
06:33 The Impact of Divorce on Social Circles and Friendships
10:12 Finding Support
16:08 Rediscovering Joy
20:16 Looking Forward
 
 
 
 
DISCLAIMER: The commentary on this podcast is not intended to serve as or replace professional legal, financial or medical advice. While the insights may have wide applicability, listeners should consult with an attorney, CPA, financial advisor, therapist or physician in your state to obtain advice with respect to your particular issue and/or case.

After marriage - and especially after having children - it can be hard to maintain or even create a friendship circle outside of your marriage if you aren't ever able to really get out to see spend time with them. Some women begin to feel so isolated and alone within their own home and aren't able to experience the connection with friends they once enjoyed so much, adding to the overwhelm and loneliness when their marriage is ending.
 
I've invited a local divorcée, Rosa Sprinkle to share her personal journey of navigating life and building supportive friendships after a taxing marriage and subsequent divorce. Married for 12 years and a stay-at-home mom of four, she details the challenges of lacking adult interaction and feeling subordinate in her marriage, which eventually led to her decision to leave for a healthier life. Like most women, she didn't know what her future held, but she needed more. Going from hardly ever having social time outside of her family with her, to now finding joy in hobbies and activities with friends who share similar experiences, Rosa's story is a testament to the power of friendship, self-discovery, and the pursuit of happiness post-divorce.
 
For more information on the P.E.A.C.E. of Mind Initiative and to access the free resource center, please visit https://peaceofminddivorce.info 
 
Follow us on Instagram @divorcedanddeterminedaf for more ways to help you prepare for what's to come in the divorce journey.⁠
 
Jamie Milam is a divorcée, Realtor®, Certified Divorce Specialist®, and aligned strategy enthusiast. 
CONNECT WITH JAMIE:
https://JamieMilam.com 
Instagram | LinkedIn
 
- - -
Episode Moments:
04:45 Craving Social Interaction and Support
07:44 Life Before and After Kids: A Shift in Social Life
11:15 The Turning Point: Deciding to Leave
12:40 Building a New Life Post-Divorce
17:36 The Power of Someone that Gets It
26:10 Finding Joy and Connection in New Friendships

Kids can really struggle when they're experiencing their parents separating. And the little ones especially don't know how to communicate what they're feeling or the circumstances, and it can in turn affect their behavior. Today Natalie Parmenter, a former elementary school teacher of ten years, and I delve into how children's behavior in the classroom can reflect their experiences of divorce at home.  In this episode we're discussing the importance of expanding your kiddo's support system and maintaining a stable environment for them in their school environment - a place they spend a huge amount of their day in. She'll give us practical advice on how to inform your child's teachers about your divorce, including what information to share and the best methods for communication, along with how to handle co-parenting dynamics with the school.
 
For more information on the P.E.A.C.E. of Mind Initiative and to access the free resource center, please visit https://peaceofminddivorce.info 
 
Follow us on Instagram @divorcedanddeterminedaf for more ways to help you prepare for what's to come in the divorce journey.⁠
 
Jamie Milam is a divorcée, Realtor®, Certified Divorce Specialist®, and aligned strategy enthusiast. 
CONNECT WITH JAMIE:
https://JamieMilam.com 
Instagram | LinkedIn
 
Natalie Parmenter is the founder of Primary Focus: the parent's guide to elementary school.
Snag her free Email Templates to Send to a Teacher
CONNECT WITH NATALIE:
http://www.primaryfocus.tv
Instagram | YouTube
 
-- 
Episode Moments:
03:51 Teacher's Perspective: Observing Children's Behavior During Divorce
08:00 A Teacher's Insight: Adapting to Children's Needs Amidst Divorce
11:31 Sharing Divorce News with Teachers: Timing, Methods & Details
17:47 Understanding the School's Role and Limitations in Divorce Situations
20:39 Real-Life Consequences of Inadequate Communication with Schools
24:33 Co-Parenting Strategies for Academic Success
 
 
DISCLAIMER: The commentary on this podcast is not intended to serve as or replace professional legal, financial or medical advice. While the insights may have wide applicability, listeners should consult with an attorney, CPA, financial advisor, therapist or physician in your state to obtain advice with respect to your particular issue and/or case.
 

I'm tired of hearing that women aren't the best at managing the financials. It's a stereotype that is outdated and it's not serving us. You are capable. In fact, what if I told you that statistically, women are actually better investors than men?
 
Today I am joined by Sarah Charles, who had found herself on the sidelines of her own financial life in her first marriage. At the age of 33 and facing divorce, Sarah decided to get her financial shit together. Today, not only is she a financial advisor, she is a champion of women’s financial empowerment and an advocate for increasing women’s confidence when it comes to approaching your financial strategy, including but not limited to investing.
 
So if you want to become more confident about your capabilities, rewrite your own narrative and take back control of your financial life, this episode is for you.
 
For more information on the P.E.A.C.E. of Mind Initiative and to access the free resource center, please visit https://peaceofminddivorce.info 
 
Follow us on Instagram @divorcedanddeterminedaf for more ways to help you prepare for what's to come in the divorce journey.⁠
 
Jamie Milam is a divorcée, Realtor®, Certified Divorce Specialist®, and aligned strategy enthusiast. 
CONNECT WITH JAMIE:
https://JamieMilam.com 
Instagram | LinkedIn
 
Sarah Charles is the Co-Founder & Managing Principal of Sanctuary Financial Planning, an Investment Advisor, CSRIC®, AIF®.
Book your complimentary 15 minute confidence call with her here.
Listen to Sarah's full money story
CONNECT WITH SARAH:
Instagram | LinkedIn
--
Episode Moments:
 
05:08 Understanding the Concept of a Money Story
10:02 The Evolution of Financial Responsibility and Women's Role
17:04 Step 1 to Building Your Confidence
20:06 Step 2 to Building Your Confidence
26:59 Step 3 AND the Power of Incremental Outperformance
36:00 FUQs: Frequently Unasked Questions
 
 
*DISCLAIMER: The commentary on this podcast is not intended to serve as or replace professional legal, financial or medical advice. While the insights may have wide applicability, listeners should consult with an attorney, CPA, financial advisor, therapist or physician in your state to obtain advice with respect to your particular issue and/or case.
 
 

I never would have imagined that focusing more on me, rather than who or what triggers me, would actually help me more than weighing my pros and cons list. This one practice has been the foundation to rediscovering my peace and finally being connected to myself in ways I never had before. And I want you to experience the same.
 
Get ready to decode subtle cues your body emits when you're triggered, discover practical methods for deconstructing such triggers, and understand the profound influence they hold over your life choices and relationships. Tune in and prepare to transform your understanding of yourself, your relationships, and your life.
 
For more information on the P.E.A.C.E. of Mind Initiative and to access the free resource center, please visit https://peaceofminddivorce.info 
 
Follow us on Instagram @divorcedanddeterminedaf for more ways to help you prepare for what's to come in the divorce journey.⁠
 
 
Jamie Milam is a divorcée, Realtor®, Certified Divorce Specialist®, and aligned strategy enthusiast. 
CONNECT WITH JAMIE:
https://JamieMilam.com 
Instagram | LinkedIn
 
--
Episode Moments:
 
04:07 Understanding Triggers: A Therapist's Perspective
05:11 The Role of Body Cues
10:27 The Role of Disassociation in Trigger Responses
13:34 Creating Boundaries and Communicating Needs
16:10 A Challenge for You to Compassionately Uncover the Root Cause
17:25 Separating Behavior from Person
 
 
DISCLAIMER: The commentary on this podcast is not intended to serve as or replace professional legal, financial or medical advice. While the insights may have wide applicability, listeners should consult with an attorney, CPA, financial advisor, therapist or physician in your state to obtain advice with respect to your particular issue and/or case.
 

Can collaborative law actually work? You and your ex can barely stand speaking to one another so how could you actually be in a collaborative process together? What if I told you that it could work even in high conflict cases, but that there are actually things you need to be on the lookout for to ensure it works effectively?
 
This is Part 2, following episode #62, and I'm continuing the conversation with NY family law attorney, Jackie Caputo, who highlights that collaborative divorce is not a one-size-fits-all approach and while it may not be suitable in all circumstances, it certainly can work in a wide array of cases (including high conflict) and provide a potentially healthier and more constructive framework.
 
There's a common misconception that in order for collaborative law to work, everyone has to be amicable and unfortunately it's even a misconception that some attorneys have if they haven't been properly trained on the process. This discussion will guide you in what you need to know to set yourself, and your case, up for the best possible outcome. You'll learn what it is you need from the representation on both sides of the table for this to work properly and the questions to ask to help you choose the right attorney for the job.
 
 
For more information on the P.E.A.C.E. of Mind Initiative and to access the free resource center, please visit https://peaceofminddivorce.info 
 
Jamie Milam is a divorcée, Realtor®, Certified Divorce Specialist®, and aligned strategy enthusiast. 
CONNECT WITH JAMIE:
https://JamieMilam.com 
Instagram | LinkedIn
 
Jackie Caputo is an Associate Attorney at Joseph Law Group in in New York, specializing in Mediation and Collaborative Divorce Law.
 
- - - 
Episode Moments:
00:00 Understanding Who Collaborative Law May Work For
02:26 The Importance of Choosing the Right Divorce Strategy
05:32 The Misconceptions Surrounding Collaborative Law
07:39 The Importance of Proper Training in Collaborative Law
10:57 Questions to Ask to Help You Choose the Right Collaborative Law Attorney
14:11 The Paradigm Shift of Collaborative Law
18:51 Making the Right Decision for You
 
 
DISCLAIMER: The commentary on this podcast is not intended to serve as or replace professional legal, financial or medical advice. While the insights may have wide applicability, listeners should consult with an attorney, CPA, financial advisor, therapist or physician in your state to obtain advice with respect to your particular issue and/or case.

Have you been told you need a bulldog of an attorney for your divorce... maybe that's the initial thought bc you've heard of people being dragged through court for months or even years just to settle for less than they ever wanted in the first place.
 
Let me ask you, When you hear the word collaborative in divorce, what comes to mind? Many people think it means amicable and so they assume this couldn't be the right route for them if they think they need a bulldog in their corner. But what if I told you, the idea of you and your spouse needing to be amicable for a collaborative law process to work is a total misconception?
 
Joining me today is NY family law attorney Jackie Caputo to educate to you on what collaborative law is as it's intended to be, how it Differs from Traditional Divorce Processes, what the benefits are, and even address the concerns that some may have about this process. She believes that this route can minimize much of the emotional trauma that often accompanies a litigated divorce and will help each of the parties involve to grow, to become happier and healthier as they take the steps to move forward in their life.
 
For more information on the P.E.A.C.E. of Mind Initiative and to access the free resource center, please visit https://peaceofminddivorce.info 
 
Jamie Milam is a divorcée, Realtor®, Certified Divorce Specialist®, and aligned strategy enthusiast. 
CONNECT WITH JAMIE:
https://JamieMilam.com 
Instagram | LinkedIn
 
Jackie Caputo is an Associate Attorney at Joseph Law Group in in New York, specializing in Mediation and Collaborative Divorce Law.
 
- - - 
Episode Moments:
 
01:48 Understanding Collaborative Law and Its Benefits
04:39 The Role of Professionals in Collaborative Law
07:37 The Pitfalls of Rushing into Litigation
10:17 The Importance of Considering All Options
16:20 Addressing Concerns and Misconceptions about Collaborative Law
 
DISCLAIMER: The commentary on this podcast is not intended to serve as or replace professional legal, financial or medical advice. While the insights may have wide applicability, listeners should consult with an attorney, CPA, financial advisor, therapist or physician in your state to obtain advice with respect to your particular issue and/or case.
 

Who am I now? I'm no longer a wife. I don't feel like I fit in to the social circles I've been a part of. I feel like an outlier in the mom groups. What do I even enjoy? Why do I feel a bit lost, like I need to find myself again?
 
If any of these thoughts have crossed your mind as you find yourself navigating this whole divorce thing then this episode is for you.
 
It's normal for us to feel a little lost and have to re-learn who we are. It's natural to feel a bit of a loss of our grip on our sense of self when we are now suddenly single again, especially depending on the length of your marriage. But we want to help avoid the crisis part of an identity crisis so you can navigate it more peacefully.
 
To help me with that, today I am joined by Emily Reiner, a Licensed Clinical Counselor, and we're discussing the concept of an 'identity crisis' specifically as it relates to times of transition, such as divorce. Emily explains that what we often perceive as our identity is usually a collection of labels we assign ourselves or have assigned to us, but spoiler alert, it's not actually what makes up our identity. She shares with us what we can do to prevent crisis mode and ways that you can re-connect with yourself at a deeper level so you'll know who you are regardless the role you're fulfilling.
 
To snag your free copy of the mini-journal Emily mentions, use the code FREEAF2024!
 
For more information on the P.E.A.C.E. of Mind Initiative and to access the free resource center, please visit https://peaceofminddivorce.info 
 
Jamie Milam is a divorcée, Realtor®, Certified Divorce Specialist®, and aligned strategy enthusiast. 
CONNECT WITH JAMIE:
https://JamieMilam.com 
Instagram | LinkedIn
 
Emily Reiner is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor and Certified Relationship Counselor.
CONNECT WITH EMILY:
https://www.emilyrcounseling.com/
Instagram @emilyrcounseling
 
- - -
References:
 
Identified Self Mini-Journal (use code FREEAF2024 to download your free copy)
 
- - - 
Episode Moments:
 
00:49 Exploring the Concept of Identity
06:12 Preventive Measures for Identity Crisis
13:36 The Power of Curiosity in Navigating Your Identity Identity
21:08 Embracing Learning New Things About Yourself
26:08 Exploring Identity Beyond Labels
 
 

Divorce brings a mix of emotions that can catch you off guard. Some days you're so relieved to finally have made the decision to part ways and sometimes it hits you like a ton of bricks.
 
Are there significant events that trigger those more intense emotions? What if I told you yes there are, so that you know what you might be able to expect?
 
If you could create a little more space for yourself in some of those most triggering firsts, would you be able to experience a little more peace in the midst of it?
 
In this episode I open up about my own experiences and share tips for navigating the unexpected emotional waves during divorce. To help you feel a little more emotionally prepared, I'll take you through 7 different firsts you'll experience after you separate and the emotions that may accompany them. Some of these emotions you may expect, some you may not, and some that may not be yours but land at your door anyway - even if they come in the form of flowers.
 
So if you're wondering what can you expect emotionally those first months after your separation, this is the episode for you.
 
 
For more information on the P.E.A.C.E. of Mind Initiative and to access the free resource center, please visit https://peaceofminddivorce.info 
 
Jamie Milam is a divorcée, Realtor®, Certified Divorce Specialist®, and aligned strategy enthusiast. 
CONNECT WITH JAMIE:
https://JamieMilam.com 
Instagram | LinkedIn
 
- - -
References:
Episode 57
 
 
- - - 
Episode Moments:
 
04:25 Navigating the First Week of Separation
10:35 Transforming Shared Spaces
16:15 Coping with Firsts of Being Alone
18:16 Navigating Shared Parenting and Co-Parenting Transitions
28:08 Dealing with Anniversaries and Milestones
33:54 Signing Divorce Papers: A Moment of Mixed Emotions